Newsletter 07.05.2024
In Times of Conflict, Be a Lamp That Lights Up The Darkness
We are sensitive and open souls, and can easily feel overwhelmed by fear, anger or loss. This is especially true at these times of conflict and great suffering close to us. We need the dharma more than ever, to help us find our inner resources, steadiness, clarity, and the wisdom of the heart. We may go into a physical shelter to protect our life, and then go out. But we have an invisible shelter within that we never need to leave. This is our refuge in the dharma. It is the deep truth of our aliveness, and our caring awareness. Sometimes it may seem invisible, and then we should not hesitate to connect with sangha and teachers, or take some time to be quiet and reconnect with ourselves.
The suffering can trigger urgency to find another way. Samvega. This is the cry that says that we cannot go on like this anymore. It can energize our inner journey and but also a call to us to offer ourselves to others. Many in the spiritual and conscious community are acting in these days of conflict with intensive compassion, bringing relief, humanitarian aid, care, the capacity to listen, and ways such as meditation, to support others. Each of us can be an island in the stormy seas, or a small lamp that lights a dark place.
Buddhist teachings are teachings of the heart as well as the mind. Mindfulness trains the heart to open the channels of compassion and friendliness – to be for not against ourselves and others. We did peace walks throughout the length and breadth of Israel and Palestine, using this teaching, and it brought tears to the eyes of people in the street, to see Jews and Arabs quietly walking together, emanating friendliness to everyone whoever they were, and demonstrating how peace is possible. A famous Buddhist statement reminds us that hate is never removed by more hate, but just by its opposite, namely love.
Conflict is sustained by chains of actions and reactions. It can be stopped by cutting the chains of reactivity. But surely, you might ask, if someone is shouting at us, how can we not respond? The answer is that one of the fruits of mindfulness practice is an ability to watch the coming and going of experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant, with a bit more detachment, and stability. When we apply this to conflict situations we will find ourselves less easily disturbed by what others say or do, and less dependent on praise or blame. In one of the peace-making workshops which I led, all of a sudden Israelis and Palestinians started to shout and scream at each other. I couldn’t control it so I sat quietly until the anger petered out. I turned to the Palestinian co-facilitator, and said: “Sorry, I lost it”. “No”, she answered, “You didn’t. You radiated a quiet steadiness which settled everyone remarkably quickly”. Kipling’s famous poem ‘If’ starts with: ‘If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…’.
10 Tips from Buddhist Practice on Solving Conflicts:
1. Be active, take risks, knowing that life is dynamic and you can trust the power of change.
2. Meet with the difficult person in a supportive setting and reduce insecurity by being relaxed and human.
3. Whenever you feel challenged before automatically reacting take a moment to breathe, and then watch with mindfulness and interest your responses: in the body (e.g. contraction of the stomach), the mind (e.g. resentful thoughts), and emotions (e.g. the arising of anger).
4. Invite the other person for dialogue, and practice deep listening. Sense their pain, their life, their experience, their fears and needs, and also sense your responses to their words.
5. Keep the dialogue on first-person experience instead of so called ‘facts’, accusations, or right or wrong.
6. Put yourself in the other’s shoes as much as is possible. What is it like to be them right now?
7. Practice equanimity. If you feel hurt, stay steady, if there are harsh words, stay steady. Learn to be like a big ship rather than a small boat rocked by every wave.
8. Learn to see the moment as fresh and new. Be skilled in the power of the present moment, to cut the chains of cause and effect.
9. Practice enduring friendliness and radiate it to yourself and all others.
10. See the way that your mindful awareness opens doors that you did not think of before and empowers you to choose wiser and more helpful solutions.
1.6.24. I am teaching a Shabbat of Intensive Practice At Mashv Nefesh in Clil:
https://www.meshivnefesh.org/event-details/sbt-trgwl-m-stybn-pwldr